Fixing the dryer.
Cutting out the wood.
Repairing the weed eater.
Just a few of the things i did this week.
I do not cringe at the thought of hard work.
I do not believe in "gender specific jobs" around the house.
I do not shy away from power tools.
For the past several years; however -
my husband managed many of those tasks.
Because i have an 8-5 day job -
he managed the business end of the art business.
He also handled the behind the scenes part of each piece -
he cut and prepped and sealed and delivered.
But he is no longer here to do those things.
He has chose to leave and with him leaving -
he also took with him the support for my business that I relied on.
I have not had to regularly do some of the tasks that i need to do now.
I have found myself having to keep many more balls in the air than usual.
This has brought a great sense of accomplishment.
It has also brought up new emotions . . .
fear, frustration, anger, hurt, betrayal and exhaustiion.
I had an order that was due to a local store.
I had to do the art work as usual.
But I also had to negotiate getting the wood cut and prepped, sealing the finished art, creating the invoice, completing the delivery . . .
It required reblancing my time.
It required asking for help from family members (who didn't disappoint, by the way).
I had never made a delivery to this place before.
I felt even more emotions - panic being one of them.
Where do I go? Who do I talk to?
It required a new level of expectation and a new normal.
And although I felt all of those emotions . . .many of which I didn't like feeling -
it also brought up an emotion I didn't expect - PRIDE.
I did it!
With the help of awesome family members - i did it.
And it confirmed to me - I can do it.