Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What is Fear Preventing You From Doing?

Remember when we were kids?
We would sit in our grade school classes and the teacher would ask us -
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I don't know about your class -
but in my class, the answers were BIG things.
No one said - I just want to be ordinary.
We had BIG dreams. BIG hopes. BIG desires.
We didn't think about how much money it would make or what others would thin of our choices -
We lived by our dreams.
As for me. . .
I fantasized about being a ballet dancer.
I wanted to twirl on my toes and wear flowing skirts or sparkly tutus.
I wanted to be singer - not with a rock band -
but with a big, full swing orchestra.
And even when I was young, my dream would have been to dress up in 40's style vintage dresses and sing classic American dance standards for a band like Duke Ellington or a jazz band like Ella Fitzgerald.
(Truth be told - I still have this fantasy!)
I dreamed of being a Broadway actress.
Doing that meant I could combine all of my passions together.
I wanted to perform in classic musicals like West Side Story or 42nd Street.
The more dancing the better -
and I did get to perform in some amazing musicals when I was younger - just not on Broadway.
But I miss that part of my life and will find a way to return.
I dreamed of working in the Peace Corps -
living a life of poverty in a remote village in a jungle and selflessly helping others.
I dreamed of being a police woman like Angie Dickinson was on tv.
Or a lawyer like Perry Mason.
I dreamed of being the perfect mom who had a whole group of children and never got ruffled like Mrs. Brady.
I dreamed of being a cool, hip musician mom like Mrs. Partridge. . .
But I never, ever dreamed of being an artist.
I tried art in grade school.
I tried it in high school.
I thought I had no talent whatsover and that feared stopped me from even taking a class.
If I drew something or tried to be artistic, I would cover it up and not let anyone see.
I would only try if I was hidden in my room - and it almost always ended up in the garbage.
I didn't get the courage to try to really explore art or painting until I was well into my 30s.
And even then - I was scared to really try.
I used patterns or only painted in solid colors and let someone else do the detailing for me.
I didn't even utter the phrase
"I am an artist"
until 10 years ago.
It took me that long to say to myself,
"I don't care what it looks like - I am going to paint for myself."
And when I lost the fear - life began.
What is preventing you from trying to do . . .?
It's time for a fresh start.
It's time to explore those dreams and make them happen.
It is time to LIVE.

1 comment:

Jane Wetzel said...

this is just gorgeous..tfs