Over the Rainbow...

I can't remember the first time I saw the movie "The Wizard of Oz".

I just remember that it was an annual event.

Of course...

I am of the era that grew up with no dvd's or big screen plasma tvs or cable television.

If we wanted to see a movie, we went to a movie theater or

we waited for it to be played on television.

If we watched it on tv, the disclaimer that it had been "edited for television" always preceded the start.

This meant that minutes had been shaved off the movie to allow for plenty of commercials.

But there were no other options, so we endured the commercial breaks.

 

The "classics" were usually broadcast once a year -

"The Ten Commandments" was always played around Easter.

Sometime in the winter, they would play "Gone With The Wind" - over two nights!

"My Fair Lady" was usually a holiday movie.

And then there was "The Wizard of Oz".

Life stopped and schedules were planned around these special movies.

The whole family gathered with large bowls of popcorn sitting in our laps.

 

And the movie about the wonderful land of Oz was always a favorite.

The music.

Dorothy and Toto.

The witch.

Glenda.

But the best part...the transition from black and white to color.

Magic.

 

I remember, when I was in my early 20's,

a local movie theater that was known for playing only "classic" movies

had a showing of "The Wizard of Oz".

On the big screen.

I went.

And the movie took on a whole new feel for me.

 

Let's face it - today's movies are much more spectacular from a technical standpoint.

My children have a hard time appreciating some of the older "classics" because they are so used to the perfection that is achieved through computer technology.

But for me, the magic of the "Oz" remains to this day.

 

One of the most enduring aspects of that movie is "the" song....

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow"...

In my humble opinion - one of the greatest songs ...EVER!

The melody.

The simplicity.

The complexity.

The message.

 

I don't know what it is about that song in particular.

But being a music person - and a music person that really appreciates great lyrics -

this one speaks to me on a deep, almost spiritual level.

The idea of a land where everything is perfect;

the feeling of possibility, of longing, of hope, of dreams...

 

The song was magical to me as a child.

As a young mother, I sang the song to my children as a lullaby.

As an adult, I have sang the song for weddings as young couples began their new life together.

I have sang the song for funerals as family members have said their last goodbyes.

As a recently seperated married woman, I sat at my piano and sang the song with tears running down my face, as a way to find solace in my new uncertain world.

And now - as a divorced woman looking to the future,

I sing the song with an eye on possibility for greater things to come.

New adventures, new dreams, new roads to travel, new destinations...

anywhere my wings will take me.

 

Birds fly over the rainbow...

and so can I.

 

 

 



Before and After...A Thrift Store Makeover

On the weekend, my good friend and I meet for breakfast.

We talk and catch up and laugh.

And then we go for a walk -

We try to catch a local consignment shop when it is open.

We have failed.

So this last week - we did a local thrift store.

 

I love to go thrifting.

I grew up thrifting and garage saling.

My mom and I spent countless hours on Saturdays and during the summer months looking for treasures.

My mom was an expert at finding something that looked sad and dated and turning it into a one-of-a-kind treasure.

She mastered the art of it long be "upcycling" became trendy.

And I carry that love with me to this day.

I feel a sense of thrill when I find something special.

Some of my favorite clothing items were thrift-store finds.

Most of furniture has treasures that I have found and repurposed.

I love it!

 

Back to this last weekend.

My friend and I pulled into the parking lot and I got a little giddy.

What would I find today? Anything?

Who knew...that's part of the fun!

 

We meandered through all the aisles looking for treasures.

A few gadgets for the kitchen.

A little something to decorate with.

Something to repurpose.

And then I flipped through the racks of sweaters.

I know the seasons are getting ready to change -

but it's still sweater season where I live.

 

I found a nice brown sweater vest -

it's long, will work good for work, and was in good shape.

It looked nice.

And the price was right.

With the colored tag of the day, I got the sweater for about $6.

Like I said ... it's nice.

But kind of...brown.

And plain.

Very plain.

I'm all about dressing it up.

But I decided this time, to do a little extra.

I have toyed with the idea of brightening up clothes with some art for a couple years.

But I never seem to get around to it.

 

I decided that it was time to change that.

So with a little felt, some embroidery floss, a needle and a couple hours for a few evenings watching a movie before bed....

 

This little sweater vest got a little splash of color.

Just a little something to say...

Hey! I'm special.

I'm a little different...

Kind of like me!

Hmmm...I wonder what else is in my closet that could use a makeover?

 



I Am....

I came across this quote by CS Lewis the other night.

It YELLED at me...

And I created the drawing above.

Then when I was saving the photo, I noticed I had another photo saved with a similar name.

Obviously I love this quote because I did another drawing with it very recently - back in January.

Is the universe trying to teach me a lesson here?

 

 

So it got me thinking...

What do I believe I am?

I remember sitting in a workshop many years ago.

We were supposed to find a partner and introduce ourselves.

We were then instructed to write down who we were.

We took our pens and began scribbling quickly.

We created our personal resumes on our paper.

We then shared our answers...

Wife, Mother, Sister, doctor, lawyer, assistant, teacher, student, volunteer, etc., etc., etc...

 

The teacher thanked us all and told us that not one of us had answered his question.

We all looked around in confusion.

We had long lists stating who we were.

 

"Those are the roles that you fill each day. They are not 'who' you are...", he said.

"Now - write down "WHO" you are".

 

We took our pens in hand and .....

Sat in silence.

No pens were moving.

We were all stumped.

We looked around the room hoping that the answer would find us.

How do you answer that question?

 

If I couldn't state my roles - then who was I?

This question wasn't about what I did or how I spent my time -

but it was about those things that we hold so close to ourselves, deep down inside.

The things that we feel uncomfortable speaking out loud because it may be interpreted as being

egotistical or vulnerable or afraid...

The ever-thriving personal internal debate...

"like yourself just the way you are - but don't brag about it or you are conceited."

or

"don't show your fears and vulnerabilities or someone will take advantage of you".

 

So "who" am I? Who do I believe I am?

I'm still learning the answer to that question.

I may never fully know the answer because I am always growing and changing and evolving.

I hope I never stop.

 

But let me share the words of Marianne Williamson -

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

 

This quote gives me goosebumps every time I read it.

This is who we are -

it is who I am...

 

And I hope that, as I let my light shine as bright as I am able, it will "give other people permission to do the same." As I am "liberated from my own fear", I can "liberate others".

 

 

 

 

 



Close Your Eyes and Make a Wish...

Wishes...

As a child I made wishes a lot.

I wished on stars.

I wished on the rainbow.

I wished when we drove through tunnels.

I wished when I blew out my birthday candles.

I wished when I threw a penny into a fountain.

But I would panic if I told someone -

because we were always told that if we shared our wish,

it wouldn't come true.

 

Wishes were important and I took them very seriously.

 

I still do -

I believe that in order to achieve anything -

you have to put it out there.

You have to think about it and visualize it and believe that it can happen.

 

As a grown up we call them goals.

I went to classes and heard lectures about goals and goal setting all through my growing up years.
I was instructed in the steps of goal setting.
Think about your goals.
Write them down.
Identify, develop and write down the steps required to achieve the goal.
Give each of the steps a deadline.
Review the list regularly.
Blah, blah, blah...yada, yada, yada.

As a teenager and even as an adult -
I didn't really buy this.
It just seemed like busy work to me.

And then several years ago, I wanted to open a business.
And I was asked for a business plan.
What the heck was that?
I took a class.
I researched.
And then I realized...a business plan was really a series of really big goals.
So I started writing things down.
And as I did it - I began to feel empowered.
Especially when I started to see the checkmarks that started accumulating as I accomplished individual tasks.

Goal setting...or wishes...are a big part of my life now.

There is a little girl inside me who still believes in wishes.

Who still likes to see the magic in things.

Who still believes in magic.

I make wishes for all sorts of things.
Things I want to accomplish, new adventures I want to try, places I want to visit...
I create "vision boards" - usually just a series of pictures and words that I put together on a blank piece of paper.
I tuck them into a sheet protector and tape them to my bathroom mirror and look at them everyday.
And it makes me feel excited and full of purpose.
But I also realize that a magical fairy is not going to come along and make the wish come true.
No genie is going to come out of a bottle.
I have to do the work myself.

And when I accomplish something...
it IS magical!
The big difference is this....
I believe in the magic of wishes - I just don't believe that they are free.
I believe that I have the power to make them come true.
And that...makes the whole process even more magical and special.

 

So embrace your inner child...
Look up at the night sky.
Close your eyes and make a wish.
Just don't forget - the magic is already right inside of you.

 

 

 

Possibility...

Did you hear it?
Yesterday, there was huge noise.
It sounded like a loud BAM....
At least it seemed that way to me.

It was me -
slamming the door closed on the last chapter of the previous life.

Let me explain...

Yesterday, I went to the title company and signed off on the sale of my house.
Notice, I said house - and not home.

When it became evident that my marriage was over,
one of the first things I had to do as a "grown-up" was put my home up for sale.
It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.
And it was filled with a lot of conflict -
I had wanted to move for quite a while.
I didn't like our neighborhood at all - it had changed so much since we had moved in there -
and not for the better.
But it was still our home.
I had lived there longer than any other single residence other than the house I grew up in.
I grew up in a family that "stayed put".
Having a place to call home was so important to me as a child - I wanted that for my kids.
I wanted that spot that they could come back to again and again and again and feel the comfort of home.
And if I was to move from that home,
it needed to be on my own terms.
It needed to be a well-thought out decision.

But in July, I found myself talking with a realtor to sell my home -
and it was because my world had been ripped apart.
All of a sudden I was getting ready to sell my home and it was not by my choice.
I was paying the consequence for someone else's choices.
And it made me sad.
And then it made me angry.
I moved in December,
but the house had not sold yet.
I continued to be responsible for it - at least financially.
I wasn't living in it -
but it was still there.
And I had to return to it several times over the last few months.
Which was surreal.

But enough of the past -
yesterday, the house officially because someone elses.
On Monday, I returned to it for a few miscellaneous things that still needed to be collected.
I walked through the empty rooms.
The heat has been off for a while so it was cold - really cold.
The halls echoed with the emptiness.
It was a house.
No longer a home.
And I felt a heaviness.
I drove home and cried on and off all evening.
But I awoke cleansed and ready to move on.
I signed yesterday.
I officially "closed" out the account on all of the utilities.
And then - feeling strong and empowered and somewhat lighter,
I went a step further...
I went to the DMV and changed my address and . . .
wait for it . . .
my name!

Yes! I have officially taken back my maiden name.
I am no longer Laurie Miller -

I am Laurie Linn.
FYI...The business name will be following shortly -
but here is the point...

As Laurie Miller,
I felt trapped on many occasions - hopeless.
I didn't allow myself to think about new adventures, vacations, or anything big -
I didn't even allow myself to think about things closer to home -
like trying new restaurants or going to hear live music in a local venue.
I had accepted that those things were not going to happen so I quit hoping.
Now don't get me wrong -
I was in a "good" marriage.
I wasn't abused or dispected.
But my former spouse didn't like to try new things.
Or to plan -
and definitely not to dream like I did.
And after asking and suggesting with no positive feedback, over the course of time - I stopped.

But Laurie Linn...
Well - that's a different story.

She is believing in POSSIBILITY!

 

 



Random Order

 

A few random thoughts on this Friday morning . . .

 

1. I'm going to be a Grandma again. Or "Nanna" as my grandson calls me. He is going to be a big brother! Yeah...So happy, proud and excited.

2. We are just about ready to close on the house I moved out of in December . . .I was beginning to think this was never going to happen. (Heavy sigh of relief).

3. I love clouds. I don't like gray skies - but I love the clouds we get in Oregon this time of year...So majestic and beautiful.

4. I am ready for Spring and color.

5. I love to laugh.

6. I have a lot of things I want to do . . .and sometimes I feel a sense of panic because I am so anxious to do them all....NOW

7. I still love to read some of my favorite children's stories. And I read them to myself.

8. I feel honored when I witness miracles.

9. I LOVE dragonflies and swallows.

10. I miss holding hands with someone special.

11. I don't like the judges on American Idol this year - it kind of ruined the show for me.

12. I love listening to live music.

13. I love to drink fresh juice in the morning.

14. It's never too late to try something for the first time.

15. I don't like to have my picture taken.

16. I don't like to be the center of attention.

17. I love spontaneous get-togethers.

18. I want to take a dance class.

19. I would prefer to see live theater over a movie.

20. I am grateful for my dog - who forces me to get outside, even when I don't want to.

21. I love pistachios.

22. I've discovered I actually like Country music - not all, but a lot of it.

23. Making new friends is scary . . .but fun.

24. I have learned how to ignite the pilot light on my gas fireplace, trouble shoot my garage door opener when it isn't working, and fix my garbage disposal when it gets clogged.

25. I have a love/hate relationship with the weekend.

26. Honey Nut Cheerios are really yummy.

27. I am not as organized as I would like to be but I am willing to accept this flaw.

28. I love hats - but I don't like wearing them. They make my head itch.

29. Dreams are Weird!

30. I get so frustrated when I have a day off and can sleep in but wake up earlier than I do during the week.

31. Why do people wait until they are far away to tell you how they feel?

32. Shrimp salad rolls with peanut sauce.  Enough said.

33. A good pillow should never be underestimated. Same goes for good pots and pans.

34. My kitchen knives really need to be sharpened!

35. 10:00 in the morning is NOT too early for good chocolate. 

Taking a Time Out . .

 

I started this girl about two years ago -

I liked her, but wasn't fully happy with her.

The colors were off - she just didn't feel right.

But the message spoke to me. I set her aside and was going to come back and finish her.

At some point, she ended up in a file, half completed.

It was almost as if I couldn't finish her because I didn't believe the message.

I wasn't committed.

I believed everyone else deserved that infamous "time out" -but I wasn't allowing myself that.

I had too much to do.

Hmmmmm.

 

Recently, while sorting through files and boxes of stuff that I couldn't deal with before my move,

I came across her again.

I stared at her and thought -

it's your time to come to life.

And as I thought that - I wasn't sure if I was saying this the girl in the illustration or to myself.

I put her in my "active" file of pieces that I am working on.

 

Last weekend, I escaped to the Oregon Coast for a short visit.

My weekend was very, very busy -

filled with long walks, naps, reading, meditating, sleeping and drawing.

OK - maybe busy is not the right word - but it was the kind of busy-ness I needed.

Other than the long walks, most of my time was spent in a rocking chair in front of a fire.

I took a short nap and then got up. I sat in the chair.  I pulled out my drawing supplies.

I opened my pack of paper.

And there, sitting on the top, was the original drawing of the "time out" girl.

I didn't realize I had her with me.

 

I didn't feel right working on the original version.

That was drawn during a different time and I was in a very different mind-set.

So I started from scratch.

I drew the girl above, attempting to capture the essence of the weekend I was having.

Kicking my feet up and spending all of my energy on .... ME!

 

I posted this on Facebook to share with friends and I was amazed at the response form my women friends.

 

Obviously - I'm not the only one that needs to be reminded to take a "time out" for ourselves.

 

We spend almost every waking minute doing for others -

our jobs, our families, our friends, our pets, our homes, our chores...

it's hard to know where to slip in some time for ourselves.

 

But the lesson that I have learned over the last year - and have to keep relearning -

is that when I take a few minutes and give to myself -

I am far more productive on the have-tos.

So - I plan on taking this particular piece and sharing it with my friends -

I'm also going to make a copy for my own walls.

 

So here is the question - what are YOU doing to take care of you?

Is it time for a time out?

UPcycled Table

I met Mary Jane over 2 years ago.

She came to one of my shows and picked up a few items.

She then called to have me help her with a project -

To redo an old chair that had been her mother's.

The idea was to cover the chair with images that reminded her of her mom as a tribute to her.

 

Several months ago,

she called again.

This time to do another chair - but for her sister.

The chair was just like the first one - it had come from the same set that had been their mothers.

We covered it with images that reminded her sister of her children.

 

Then came the table.

The table had been mom's as well.

However, it had been subjected to quite a bit of abuse and didn't look very nice.

The finish was peeling off.

There are a few cracks in the wood.

It had been left out on a porch and exposed to the elements a bit too long.

But it was moms and Mary Jane could not bear to see it tossed out with the trash.

 

So she brought it over.

She wanted it to have the look of the outdoors since it will eventually live in their mountain cabin.

Mountains, a river, fish, a cabin, ferns -

 all of the things that they love about their cabin were to be included on the table.

 

A little sanding.

A little priming.

A lot of color and . . .

Mary Jane's sad and unloved table has been given a new lease on life.

 

 

This little table is still a work in progress.

There is still some detailing left.

And of course - a good finish to protect it for years to come -

But I think I was able to capture the feel of the love and joy that they experience at their mountain retreat!

DANCE

When I was five, my mom put me in the car one day and told me she had a surprise for me.

We drove for a while - really just a short distance - but to me it felt like forever.

We arrived at an old school and went inside.

I was confused and nervous.

What were we doing?

We stood in a really, really long line.

And then it happened - she signed me up for ballet lessons.

We then went and bought tights, and leotards, lots of bobby pins and the best part of all . . .

ballet slippers.

I went to dance lessons and learned to plie, and releve'.

I learned about first position and all of the other positions.

To this day - over forty years later - I tend to turn my feet out when standing.

I learned about working at the barre.

We practiced during each class to a live piano player who spent her afternoons playing classical music for us to point and kick to.

And then in the winter - the best thing of all happened -

we got dressed up in our costumes, had our hair pulled back into a tight bun, had our faces smothered in thick make-up and performed our routine on a large stage in downtown Portland.

This was the same stage that the best theatrical performances were given on, and concerts and all the best talent in our City performed on.

And I got to do my simple ballet routine on it.

The lights were so bright and hot.

The audience applauded for us.

It was magical.

And I became instantly addicted to performing.

 

I continued dancing for years to come - all the way through college.

Besides ballet -

I experimented with jazz and tap.

I played around with ball room.

If it was performed to music - I tried it.

And as I grew - I discovered my love of theatre and my favorite thing of all was to perform in musical theatre.

There, I was able to satisfy my love of acting, music and dance.

There I found my bliss.

To this day - If I hear wonderful music, it is next to impossible not to move in some way.

 

But somewhere along the way -

I stopped dancing.

I had children.

The family came first.

Money was tight.

Time was short.

Patience were stretched.

I gained a few (ok maybe more than a few) pounds.

And I stopped dancing on stage . . . in public . . .even in front of my family.

The few times I danced, I confined myself to the safety of my own home when no one was around.

 

Recently - I watched a movie on dancers.

It was a documentary about young ballet dancers who are driven, and passionate and desperate to dance every minute of their lives.

I watched as they stretched and practiced.

I watched as they extended their legs.

They made it look so easy and fluid. Yet - having been a dancer, I understood the dedication and hard work involved. The ultimate athleticism.

I found myself longing for the bloodied toes and the aching muscles. Those things were almost like "badges of honor" to us dancers.

My heart and muscles almost ached for the feel of dance while I watched the movie.

And the feeling lingered for some time afterwards.

 

We all have that thing that makes us ache inside -

maybe for you it is music, or a sport, or writing or . . . .?

It was that thing that you loved to do more than anything else when you were young.

It's that thing that makes you feel restless when you ignore it.

It calls to you. It drives you.

 

Do you answer the call?

Do you still do it?

Do you still pursue that passion on a daily basis?

Why do we let these things go as we become adults?

Somewhere along the way, we become convinced that working on those passions is a sign of immaturity.

Or worse yet - it's a sign of being selfish.

 

Really? Being true to ourself and doing that which makes us the best that we can possibly be is selfish?

As I have grown and changed, I have developed new passions - my art and writing. These

 are passions equal to performing and music and dance.

Does that make me greedy to have more than one?

And if I have such strong desires for my art and writing - am I being greedy to want to pursue the old and forgotten ones?

Does that make me selfish? Or self-absorbed?

 

I am beginning to challenge that thought in my own life now.

I am wanting to reclaim those lost passions.

I want to DANCE!

 

Fearless Warrior?

 

 

"For the warrior, the experience of a sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fealessness. Conventionally, being fearless means that you are not afraid or that if someone hits you, you will hit him back. However, we are not talking about that street-fighter level of fearlessness.

Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness." Chogyam Trungpa

 

A short time ago, a friend gave me a book. . .

 a self-help book, which normally I would run away from.

I'm just being honest.

But this one is different.

It's written for a real person. By a real person.

It's full of wonderful life experiences and I have found myself sucked into it -

reading little bits every day and feeling uplifted, inspired and stronger.

In fact, it is full of little sticky notes where I have read passages that jump off the page at me.

 

The above passage jumped off the page at me today.

 

I have a another very good friend - who teaches martial arts.

He refers to this craft as being a "peaceful warrior".

 

Peaceful warrior.

 

Now normally, I would have heard that phrase and I wouldn't have given it any attention.

But the word "warrior" is not one that I think of or use in my daily communications.

It has a connotation of someone who is fierce and scary and who likes to fight.

Some like the street fighter that Trungpa refers to.

Someone who gets pleasure out of fighting.

 

Or it conjures up images of Melk Gibson in Braveheart.

And if you know me very well . . .you know that I have never watched that movie because, again -

the idea of a warrior makes me uncomfortable.

In fact - it scares me a little.

 

So why am I hearing this word so often lately.

Seriously - it seems like I keep hearing and seeing this word.

What I am supposed to learn from this?

 

Hmmmm -

Then today, I read the above quote in my book.

And there is that warrior word again.

And Chogyam Trungpa states that a true warrior is tender.

A true warrior has experienced sadness and has a tender heart.

 

And as my friend stated - a warrior is peaceful.

Wow!

OK - obviously, I meant to learn a lesson here.

 

 

I have expereienced a lot of sadness this last six months.

I feel like I have been in a battle every day.

 

I have also experienced a lot of joy.

Big, little and medium sized victories -

 

I like to think that I have a tender heart.

Heaven knows - if I am in your presence and you begin to weep over something that is weighing you down . . .

I can guarantee I will be sharing your tears with you.

I tend to be very empathetic to others.

And as I continue to emerge from the experiences I have had over the last year,

I find that anger is one of the few emotions that I am NOT feeling.

Oh don't get me wrong - I have moments of being upset . . .even mad.

But anger is not an emotion that is dominating me right now.

I'm not angry with my circumstances or my ex husband or the universe . . .

quite the opposite.

I am curious as to what I can learn and share from this experience.

I am filled with compassion for my ex husband for the struggles that he is going through.

Does that mean I am being a doormat and am willing to not hold him accountable for his actions?

NO.

But I am filled with compassion and empathy.

I am filled with tendernes.

Through this experience I am learning a deeper sense of compassion and tenderness . . .

and I am learning to be more compassionate and tender to . . .

wait for it . . .

-

to MYSELF.

 

Yup.

Me.

Myself.

I.

 

Oh boy - is that ever new for me!

Compassion and tenderness and empathy -

those are emotions you have for other people - not yourself? Right?

I mean - as a wife, a mother . . .a woman -

we have a tendency to put everyone elses needs before our own.

To not do that is selfish.

But how many of us keep doing that and then one day we wake up, look in the mirror and find that we are no longer in there?

We have lost ourselves.

I have looked back on all of the things that I removed from my life in order to be the perfect, selfless woman -

I gave up on friendships, interests and passions.

But those were all things that made me who I was.

So - I became lost.

 

It's almost a new year.

And I have never been one to spend a lot of time lamenting over resolutions.

I don't really see the point in looking at ways to improve myself based on a date on the calendar.

But this year is different.

And I have already been working on those resolutions.

And my number one resolution? -

to put myself first.

 

Not in a selfish way - but in a way that allows me to be a better person in order to give those around me what they need.

To allow myself to continue to grow a more tender heart.

And I can't emotionally do that without caring for myself first.

I will be more tender with myself.

I will forgive myself for my faults and take responsibility for them so that I can improve.

I will learn to say no to those things  and more importantly - those people -  that make me feel like less of a person - or who seperate me from my true purpose.

 

I am going to work on becoming FEARLESS.

 

And - here is where I am going to go out on a limb -

I am going to work to become a WARRIOR!

Fall, Autumn . . .Beautiful

Regardless of what you call it-

fall or autumn -

I call it beautiful!

My favorite time of year -

I love it!

And I think we do it pretty well in Oregon.

 

Sometimes, the rain that comes in this time of year is a little tough to take.

But it also seems to wash everything clean -

and then when the sun peeks through,

the colors are more intense and glisten.

 

And the colors - oh the colors!

Once again,

God and Mother Nature prove that they are indeed the best of all artists!

 

 

This picture was taken at about 10:00 pm while walking the dog. The street light cast an ethereal glow . . .so pretty.

This color of gold warms my soul!

My view every day as I walk into my day job. . .

A favorite tree of mine - year round. Such a beautiful shape and color.

Even the shrubs are putting on their best.

Beautiful berries on the dogwood tree.

Dream big with god nothing is impossible

 

When I was a young girl,

I learned a song that I sang at church.

I don't remember much of it - but I do remember a line that said,

"And with God, Nothing is impossible."

 

I believed this, I think.

But at that age -

I just took life as it came and it all seemed good.

My goals were pretty basic -

graduate from school, have a date to the prom (and there is a good story with that), get to sleep in on Saturday mornings,

 

As an adult -

the desires are a little bigger.

But as I put this theory to the test -

I'm beginning to think that there is some truth here.

 

So I am going to keep dreaming BIG.

Because I have decided that little dreams don't really suit us.

 

So what are you dreaming about doing?

What big, giant, momentous things do you think about and want and desire?

 

Let's all make a pact to keep our dreams big  -

but more importantly - Let's choose to believe that we deserve them. . .

 

Just a little thought that helps me keep going these days.

I'm JUMPING

Multi-media painting on upcycled wood with upcycled frame
 

Life.

A crazy ride.

It's been a rollercoaster in my world lately.

Moving at the speed of light.

In fact, for my birthday this year -

my kids surprised me with a trip to a local amusement park.

A good portion of the day was spent riding roller coasters.

I took on that adventure with a sense of symbolism -

life is a rollercoaster - and one hell of a lot of fun!

 

And throughout this experience, I have had the chance to jump and jump high.

 

A few things that have happened. . .

 

I signed papers for my divorce. That was strange and disconcerting.

But deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Full of every range of emotion possible.

 

I was able to participate in "the" show of the year.

This was a show I have wanted to participate in for over 6 years - but I was never brave enough to jury in for it.

This year - I took the leap.

I was accepted.

I participated this weekend.

And it was a tremendous success for me.

I was surrounded by some of the most talented women artists in the region.

I was humbled to be a part.

 

I have been working on a huge PO for one of my wholesale accounts.

The biggest ever.

I was brave and went in and talked to the buyer.

We expanded my line with their stores.

I conquered my gremlin on that one and it paid off.

 

I have reconnected with old friends.

Friends I haven't spoken with in almost 30 years.

And it feels good.

I have rekindled these relationships and wondered why they were neglected for so long.

It has felt like a warm homecoming.

These are people who knew me well and understand who I am, who I was, and what makes my soul leap.

We have shared laughs, tears, and many wonderful memories.

 

I have taken mini-vacations to replinish my soul and feed my inspiration.

I have listened to new music.

Looked at amazing art.

Read uplifting books.

 

I have gone into collaboration with a new business associate.

My work can now be found as a needlepoint patterns at

Kathy's Needlework Creations.

 

I have been putting new ideas out there and experiencing the joy of

reaping the rewards.

 

Now don't get me wrong -

the last four months have been full of a lot of sadness, frustration and a little anger as well.

There has been discouragement.

There has been a constant sense of being overwhelmed.

There has been fear . . .more fear than you can possibly imagine.

But friends and family keep stepping in and lightening the burden.

They have encouraged and lifted me up.

 

But I am here to say -

I have tested the theory.

I have jumped . . .

and I think I have seen a few wings sprouting back there.

Have you tried it yet?

Go on - jump.

And jump HIGH!

 

 

UpCycled Furniture

                                                       Upcycled Furniture

Upcycling, as defined by Wikipedia, is the process of converting waste materials or useless products into new materials or products of better quality or for better environmental value.

If you follow my blog at all, you know that upcycled furniture or upcycling furniture is one of my favorite things to do.

Who knew I was being so "trendy".

Every one of the pieces of upcycled furniture that I work on have been cast off, headed for the dump and no longer loved.

Once they are completed - they become new Functional pieces of art. 

So not only am I having a great time painting in these bright colors - but I am being environmentally conscious and responsible.

That sounds so very grown up!

And if you know me . . .you know that is not always the case. LOL

 

UPcycled Cat-themed bar stool

Upcycled CREATE library chair

Upcycled Ladybug School-chair

Upcycled Creative Chef - Old wooden box converted to a classy garbage can

Upcycled Corner television cabinet



UPcycled Embrace the Moon Stool

Where Would I Be Without A Song?

About a year ago I wrote a post about music.

I wrote how I was having a rough night and I retreated to my studio,

cranked up some music and through the power of a particular song -

the stress seemed to go away.

Today I will revisit that topic.

Lately - I am having a few more "rough" days than usual.

Now, please don't think that I am sitting at home,

having lost my will to go on.

It's nothing that dramatic.

In fact - quite frankly - I am doing quite well . . .

all things considered.

I have been making art like crazy.

I have had more orders than usual come in.

I have had successful art shows/festivals -

another one this weekend, in fact.

I am finding my groove in my new life as a single woman.

I am working through the "business" of divorce.

In fact - i can actually say the word now.

I smile more that I am sad.

I laugh more than I cry.

But some days . . .well -

the rough days creep in.

This last weekend I had a very successful art festival.

The weather was beautiful and the people were in abundance.

I saw old friends and met new ones.

It was a great weekend!

But it was also one of the hardest I have ever lived through -

I have been participating in this particular festival for the last four years -

and my husband was my partner each year.

We spent the whole weekend together as a team.

When I showed up with a girlfriend to set up my space, I was immediately asked where he was.

That set the pattern for the rest of the weekend.

They question "where is your husband?" was asked and I retold the story . . .

and answered questions, and received hugs and "I'm sorries".

The support was overwhelming.

But, although I felt all of the wonderful love and support -

each time the question was asked,

it was a bit like getting kicked in the stomach . . .over and over and over.

BUT . . .

I did well.

I stayed strong.

I kept a smile on my face.

Until Monday when I fell apart.

I was tired and it all caught up with me.

I cried. 

A lot.

You know the kind - gut wrenching, can't breathe, toxin cleansing crying. . .

A friend of mine sent me text to check in - how was I doing?

A rough day, I answered.

Her response was to have a cold diet pepsi and crank up some good music.

Obviously - she did not understand how upset I was.

Such simple advice for such a major meltdown.

I took the advice.

(I did; however, expand the advice to include a large bag of M&Ms - just for added insurance.)

I plugged my iPod into the dock in my studio and turned up the volume.

Way up.

The sound filled my studio room.

I was the only one home.

I pulled out the paints and the projects I was working on.

I was working on mindless base-coating - just laying in blocks of color.

The perfect task for singing.

I cleared my head and focused on the music.

I let the music play and I sang.

I sang loud.

I sang with feeling!

In between songs - I sipped my diet pepsi.

The music didn't change the fact that I was sad.

I am ok with feeling the sadness when it needs to be felt.

I need that to move forward.

But the music affected me on a soulful level.

As I sang - the tears cleared.

I felt a lift of pressure - I felt a bit of joy.

Through this process, many people have sent me songs to listen to.

Some of the songs talk about taking charge, surviving and using the bruises we gain in life to grow and excel.

The power of music cannot be understated.

A song can take me back to a particular place, a moment in time . . .

I can feel and smell and experience memories all over again when I listen to a song.

I have entire mood shifts based on the music I am listening to.

Music has been my companion through joy, sorrow, the birth of my children - I have used music to teach my children, to commemorate special events, to celebrate, to FEEL.

With music I feel the presence of God.

All I know - is that during this time of change -

music, art and a little diet pepsi seem to be the best medicine for this lady.