Taking a Time Out . .

 

I started this girl about two years ago -

I liked her, but wasn't fully happy with her.

The colors were off - she just didn't feel right.

But the message spoke to me. I set her aside and was going to come back and finish her.

At some point, she ended up in a file, half completed.

It was almost as if I couldn't finish her because I didn't believe the message.

I wasn't committed.

I believed everyone else deserved that infamous "time out" -but I wasn't allowing myself that.

I had too much to do.

Hmmmmm.

 

Recently, while sorting through files and boxes of stuff that I couldn't deal with before my move,

I came across her again.

I stared at her and thought -

it's your time to come to life.

And as I thought that - I wasn't sure if I was saying this the girl in the illustration or to myself.

I put her in my "active" file of pieces that I am working on.

 

Last weekend, I escaped to the Oregon Coast for a short visit.

My weekend was very, very busy -

filled with long walks, naps, reading, meditating, sleeping and drawing.

OK - maybe busy is not the right word - but it was the kind of busy-ness I needed.

Other than the long walks, most of my time was spent in a rocking chair in front of a fire.

I took a short nap and then got up. I sat in the chair.  I pulled out my drawing supplies.

I opened my pack of paper.

And there, sitting on the top, was the original drawing of the "time out" girl.

I didn't realize I had her with me.

 

I didn't feel right working on the original version.

That was drawn during a different time and I was in a very different mind-set.

So I started from scratch.

I drew the girl above, attempting to capture the essence of the weekend I was having.

Kicking my feet up and spending all of my energy on .... ME!

 

I posted this on Facebook to share with friends and I was amazed at the response form my women friends.

 

Obviously - I'm not the only one that needs to be reminded to take a "time out" for ourselves.

 

We spend almost every waking minute doing for others -

our jobs, our families, our friends, our pets, our homes, our chores...

it's hard to know where to slip in some time for ourselves.

 

But the lesson that I have learned over the last year - and have to keep relearning -

is that when I take a few minutes and give to myself -

I am far more productive on the have-tos.

So - I plan on taking this particular piece and sharing it with my friends -

I'm also going to make a copy for my own walls.

 

So here is the question - what are YOU doing to take care of you?

Is it time for a time out?

Making a Choice

Choose to be happy.

A simple statement.

A big impact on a persons outlook.

 

Give yourself the best Valentine's gift ever . . .

 

CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!



Lessons I Am (Still) Learning . . .

I would love to post some wonderful new art work . . .

but the reality is -

I am in a bit of a slump lately.

I'm working on an order for a store -

and it's a lot of the "same" thing.

I'm still finding my routine in my new place -

when to walk the dog, when I need to leave to get my daughter to school, when to eat dinner . . .

you know - life.

I've had company, and committments, and obligations . . .

I just haven't had a lot of surplus time.

But here is painting I did about a year ago - and it seems appropriate for todays post.

 

Even though life is crazy busy - I have spent a lot of time thinking and comtemplating where I am today compared to where I was last year.

And I have started a mental list.

Here are a few of my thoughts . . .

 

1. Divorce is not a dirty word. It's not pretty, but sometimes it needs to happen.

2. Sometimes . . .in fact, more often than we realize - we pay the consequences for someone elses choices. So accept and deal.

3. Some things I will never understand - and understanding that simple principle is a great way to let go and move on.

4. It's ok to cry - just get it out and move on.

5. Being "alone" is not the same thing as being "lonely". And sometimes, we are very lonely when we are not alone.

6. I love cookie dough . . .cookies are ok. But I would rather eat the dough. Why is it considered bad to eat three cookies worth of dough - but no one would question if I ate the 3 cookies?

7. Cereal for dinner is ok - if is it ok for me to use it to fuel my entire day - why can't I have it in the evening? I like it better then anyway.

8. Nothing clears the head like getting out of the house.

9. Walks can be magical.

10. Pity and compassion are not the same thing.

11. I don't like to ask for help.

12. I need help.

13. When I ask for help - people give it!

14. I have amazing friends and family.

15. No matter how wonderful a person is . . .if I have change too much for them, they aren't worth it.

16. Sometimes, perfection has to wait. Not everyone is at the same place at the same time.

17. I don't like to wait - I am not a very patient person.

18. The universe is listening. God is listening.

19. Dreams can come true - but sometimes the way you get there is not what you were thinking.

20.  Coulda Shoulda Woulda - fun to say - but not worth dwelling on.

21.Regardless of how bad it seems - I still have it pretty damn good.

22. Did I mention . . .I have awesome friends and family?

23. We are all mortal - including my parents.

24. Redefining "normal" can be fun!

25. I don't like watching television.

26. Reconnecting to the past helps remind you of where you want to go and who you really are.

27. Taking care of myself first is not being selfish.

28. It's ok to say no - and I don't owe anyone an explanation of why.

29. I'm a dog person - always have been, always will be - take it or leave it - but my dog lives in my home. He has every right to be there.

30. I NEED the ocean - at least every couple of months, I need to hear and see the ocean.

31. Being religious and being spiritual are not the same thing.

32. Supporting someone and trying to fix them are not the same thing - I have always tried to "fix" - but I am turning in my tool belt. I'll support you - but I am done trying to fix you.

33. I don't need to "call someone" to change a lightbulb or a vacuum cleaner belt or a tire, thank you very much.

34. I'm not very computer savvy - don't judge me for not knowing or understanding all the "terminology".

35. I can learn to do it - but sometimes I would rather just save myself the time and ask an expert. This does not make me weak or inept.

36. I have been bruised a little - but I am not, repeat NOT, broken!

37. I have never been drunk or stoned or strung out on anything. That doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun or haven't fully experienced life. It just means, I remember it! And I haven't thrown up as a result of it.

38. Why bother forgiving others if you can't forgive yourself?

39. I'm no longer ashamed for choices I made 30 years ago - they brought me to where I am today.

40. I like who I am today.

41. Age is irrelevant.

42. I have curves. I have stretch marks. I have a real body.

43. No matter how bad it seems . . .laughter helps.

44. Its scary to meet new people - It's awesome to meet new friends.

45. I love diet pepsi - the colder the better. And I prefer to drink it with a straw.

46. I'm not a huge fan of dark chocolate. I try to be a grownup and love it- but I'll take milk chocolate anyday. . .with nuts!

47. Being a grown-up is overrated. I would rather play, be silly and throw a little caution to the wind.

48. If I want to . . .I can! I don't need to let other peoples phobias or comfort level dictate what I do and experience.

49.  I don't like to watch the news. I rarely read the paper and talking politics makes me anxious.

50. I LOVE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Coming Out of the Dark . . .

It's Winter. . .

The darkness is beginning to lift slightly.

The days are trying to get a little longer.

The weather is going through a variety of personality changes which have included cold, blustery winds, freezing temperatures, thick, dense fog, sunshine and pounding rains.

 

The foggy mornings have been . . .beautiful.

I leave the house early in the morning, just as the morning light is beginning to creep up -

still a little hesitant.

It's as if the daylight is still trying to shake off it's evening slumber just like I am.

I leash up my trusty companion, Redford, and we trudge out to stretch our legs.

The last several mornings, I have been greeted by flocks of little birds flitting around the trees and singing their song.

I can see buds on the ends of the tree branches bulging with the hope of bursting out in the future.

The ground is beginning to swell in spots as bright green shoots are starting to push skyward.

The whole world looks as if it might explode.
 

And I am filled with hope and anticipation.

And as the fog clears, we are left with bright blue skies and a light that is unequalled during any other time of the year.

 

Once Christmas is past, I find the heaviness of the winter a little too much to bear.
The colorful lights of the Holiday come down and we are left with gray and darkness.
 

But when I see the little hints of what is to come . . .I feel a sense of lightness begin to creep in.

And I remind myself to relax and enjoy the coziness of the remaining winter months -

it won't last forever.

Spring is coming.

New life. New growth. New Light. New color. NEW.

And with these things in mind . . .

the morning fog begins to remind me of a blanket wrapped around the cold trees,

offering warmth until Spring returns and clothes the trees with their bright green foliage.

 

I have felt the same sensation building up in me lately.

The feelings of emerging from a very long winter.

 

When I was young, I had cousins who were living in Alaska.

They came for a visit.

It was early Spring and although the weather was ok in Oregon -

it was still cold.

We were wearing our coats and still dressing in our sweaters.

My Alaska cousins, having been raised in a much colder climate,

showed up and were wearing short sleeves and shorts.

They were outside continually.

They said it felt like summer to them.

Their version of "normal" was much different from mine.

 

For the last several years, I lived as if everything was fine.

Life was "normal".

I had adjusted to the way my life was -

I got up every morning and kept myself in motion.

I played the role of wife and mother, business owner, artist . . .etc., etc., etc.

Whatever was required at the moment.

When my husband lost his job and said he needed to find himself,

I moved through each day and picked up the extra duties as needed.

I adjusted my version of normal.

 

With the changes that have taken place in my world,

it is as if the cloak of winter is beginning to lift.

I am begining to see that I was not living . . .I was surviving.

I was existing . . .but not thriving.

I laughed. Sometimes.

I smiled. Sometimes.

I slept. Sometimes.

I created art and used color and shared words of hope.

But I wrote the words of hope to save myself.

Now I write them because I want to share the joy that I am feeling in myself.

I feel like the buds of the trees that I see on my walks -

bulging with a joy and hope and anticipation that is just waiting to explode.

 

The fog is lifting.

I am seeing what was and what is to come with a brighter light.

 

I have felt like I have been standing on a cliff but was too afraid to jump because I couldn't trust where I would land.

I couldn't see the bottom through the thick fog.

But now that the light is returning and the fog is lifting -

my view is brighter and I can see that there are wonderful things at the bottom of the cliff.

Things that make me laugh and smile.

Things that make me believe that my dreams are truly attainable.

Things that make me excited with anticipation.

I am no longer existing . . .I am living.

I now laugh . . .often.

I now smile . . .often.

I now sleep . . .often.

 

My own personal Spring is emerging and I welcome this change of season.