It's Never Too Late . . .

By January 1st of 2013, I officially started my new life.

The divorce was completed in October.

My old house is weeks away from becoming someone elses responsiblity.

I have officially moved into my new home -

a place that is mine.

A place that does not have eggshells on the ground, ghosts in the corners and the closets or landmines that need to be avoided.

 

2012 was a rollercoaster of a ride.

A few of the highlights included:

 

The marriage of my oldest daughter.

The realization that things were not as great as they seemed.

The introduction of the word divorce into my daily vocabulary.

Tears.

Grief.

Pieces of a large jigsaw puzzle (translation: my failed marriage) falling into place and offering me clarity and understanding.

The realization of what an incredible support system of friends I have.

Feelings of being blessed - really blessed.

Humility.

Information that made my belief in trust and loyalty be shattered a bit.

The rebuilding of my belief in trust and loyalty.

The realization that there were issues from my past that finally needed to be addressed.

Reconnections with old friends who were once near and dear to me, then became lost, but have come back and enriched my life in ways that I cannot even begin to describe.

The realization of dreams - dreams that i never thought possible.

Laughter. More laughter than I ever expected.

Survival . . . then thriving.

Belief in myself.

Learning that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

Family.

Strength.

JOY!

 

 I am not too sad about having said goodbye to it at midnight on January 1st. Although there were some of the most miraculous things that occured in 2012, I am ready to move forward.

 

I started the New Year by joining a group of like-minded adults at a party.

This act, in and of itself, was a testament to this new journey that I am on.

You need to understand - I don't "do" parties unless it is unavoidable.

I find the act of "mingling" and introducing myself to new people to be incredibly intimidating and frightening.

Many people who learn this about me are shocked.

They always tell me "you are so outgoing and confident, how can that be?"

I am outgoing and confident when I am working and can hide behind the working persons mask.

But put me in a room with people I don't know and tell me to "mingle" and I freeze.

I find that i can't think of anything intelligent to say.

 

It's not a pretty site.

And send me to a party without the buffer of someone to walk in with . . .

well - you can forget it!

 

New Years Eve I was invited to a party . . .by myself.

Right until 10 minutes before I walked out the door, I was coming up with reasons to skip out.

But I didn't.

I went. Alone. I mingled. I met people. I had a wonderful time!

At midnight we toasted the new year, lit sparklers and made wishes.

 

This seems like such a simple act -

but it was very symbolic for me. And it has set the tone for this new life.

 

I have spent a lot of time over the last six months meditating, analyzing and formulating what I want my new life to look like.

I have come up with many, many things that this new life will include . . .

too many things to list.

These are not resolutions.

I don't like resolutions - I think they set me up for failure.

These are elements; however, of my past life that I had sacrificed for marriage.

I am now going to make space for them to come back in.

 

Some of the more important elements are -

Love.

Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.

Hope.

A little bit of selfishness.

Fulfillment of Dreams.

Travel.

Balance.

Bliss.

Music. Music. Music.

Dance.

Color.

and JOY!

As much JOY as I can manage.

 

I am going to take my own advice and become of deliberate creator of my life.

Happy 2013 to each and every one of us. May this be the year that we come together and see the fulfillment of our dreams. . .

 



New Year . . .New LIFE . . .New Changes

The clock is ticking . . .

The end of the year is nearing.

This has been a year of big dreams, a lot of love, a lot to be grateful for,

a lot of laughs. . .

and a lot of change.

I mean - a lot of change.

 

I am going to be somewhat missing in action for the next few weeks.

There are holidays to be celebrated.

Friends and family to spend time with.

And . . .

a move to happen.

Yes it has happened.

I have found a new place for my daughter and I to move and we are going to jump in head first beginning the day after Christmas.

At this point, I have no boxes packed.

I am in no way physically prepared for this.

But . . .mentally.

Oh yes. I am ready to go.

 

I am trusting that it will all work out.

I am taking everything one day at a time.

Checking off one event at a time.

 

And by the new year, I will be officially starting my new life in my new home.

Here is to change!

My Prayer in the Wake of Tragedies

This is an older painting.

But the intent had been that, as women, we are all connected.

However - the truth is - that connection is not limited to women only.

And after not one, but two horrific tragedies this week -

I feel the need to remind myself of the fact that we are all in this together.

 

I live in Portland, Oregon.

Tuesday, December 11th was a difficult day for me.

To help you fully understand my emotions at this time -

I must share what that day looked like to me. Not to have you think - "oh, poor Laurie",

but to convey my emotions in an honest way.

I woke that day with the knowledge that my ex-husband - who has only been my ex for a few months, 

was going into surgery to have cancer removed from his body.

This discovery had been made after he had left me.

I found myself struggling with a multitude of conflicting emotions for several weeks associated with this.

My children were struggling with their emotions.

Any time the "c" word is mentioned and associated with a loved one -

you can't help but feel that your world has been rocked.

And I felt worry and was distracted.

Later that day, I went to a counseling session.

My divorce has brought up a myriad of issues that I have ignored for too long.

And although, the counseling is helping -

each session feels a bit like the hornet's nest of emotions is being stirred up.

And those angry hornets are swirl all over the place.

But that is for another post on another day.

And as I was dealing with attempting to stable my emotions associated with the counseling and the surgery -

 

The most significant event of all occured.

On December 11th; a gunman entered 

 the local mall and began shooting at Clackamas Town Center.

This mall is right in my back yard.

It is the place I shop at.

It is the place where my family members shop.

It is the place where friends shop - and work.

This tragedy rocked me to the core.

My nephew was in lockdown in one of the stores, my friend was working in the store that the gunman ran through - she witnessed it; my other friend was in the foodcourt having lunch and was huddled under a table praying for her life.

This was too close geographically and personally.

My evening was spent in pain and sorrow.

The weight of the pain I felt for those that were involved in this was heavy and all-encompassing.

 

Today, another tragedy has occured.

A senseless shooting in an elementary school in Conneticut.

Small children. Teachers.

Terror and tragedy and violence in a place that is supposed to be safe for our little ones.

And even though it is, geographically, on the other side of the country -

it is too close for comfort.

And again - the weight of the sorrow I feel is so very heavy.

 

I have done my best today to ignore the emotions today.

I am not saying that I wasn't paying heed to the event - but I was choosing not to watch the news and become overly obsessed with the event.

I have stayed busy and distracted with work.

But I can ignore it no longer today.

 

My heart is breaking.

My soul is aching.

I have no words of wisdom here.

My prayers are actively going to God to hold the families affected by these tragedies in His arms.

My prayers are begging that we remember that we must lift and support and be there for one another.

My prayers are that each of us will reach out and connect with those around us -

lend that listening ear; pick up the phone and call them;let others know that you care; hug them; hold their hands; be their friend -

share your love without reservation and tell them of your love.

Together is the only way that we can survive.

 

If you are so inclined - take a moment and listen to this beautiful rendition of "Amazing Grace",

and bow your head in thought, meditation and prayer for all of us. . .

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoJz2SANTyo

 

A Modern Day HERO

A little over a year ago, I received a phone call from Joyce.
Joyce and I had met at one of the festivals I was participating in.
Joyce works at a local elementary school
and I must admit -
has become a bit of a hero to me.
She teaches fourth grade.

In Oregon -
like many other states,
funding for schools continues to dwindle and schools are forced to make budgetary choices.
Translation: CUTS!
Cuts of teachers; cuts of supplies; cuts of programs.
Now don't get me started on this topic.
It is one that is near and dear to my heart.
I have led letter-writing campaigns, attended board meetings and lodged more than one complaint based on the types of cuts that have been at my children's schools.
I'm going to make a few statements here - and they make some people angry -
but I'm going to do it anyway. . .
Why does it always seem that the first programs to get put on the chopping block are the music, theatre and arts programs.
Never the football team or basketball teams.
Because, for some reason, we seem to think of these arts classes as "fluff".
I have worked for private schools who offered none of these classes.
In fact, if the students wanted to participate in an arts related class- they were offered only after school and the parents had to pay a significant extra fee.
I understand the costs associated.
But - not every child fits in to the "sports" box.
I sure didn't.
By the time I was in high school - I have no problem admitting that my participation in the drama department was the primary reason I got out of bed and went to school every day.
And I know that I wasn't the only one -
For many of us, the drama department and the drama room was our refuge from the rest of the school.
In fact for many of my friends - the drama department was a refuge from their homes, where they were subjected to ridicule and abuse.
In the arts department, they were accepted.
And then, don't forget the life lessons that a student learns through participation in the arts.
Problem solving, thinking in a more dimensional manner, self-discipline, cause and effect . . .life skills.
I could on and on.

But I digress . . .
back to Joyce.
Joyce watched the art program get cut in her elementary school.
She believed that the students needed art -
so she took it upon herself to organize and implement an art program.
By herself.
In addition to her regular teaching.
Like I said - Joyce is my hero!

I was asked by Joyce to come out to her school and do an assembly presentation on my art.
She wanted me to share why I do what I do -
where I get my inspiration from -
why I use words in my art -
to share how words have influenced me and to talk about the POWER of words.
WOW! I was so humbled to have been asked to that.
I mean - who am I?
I'm just a person who doodles - I'm no expert.

I accepted Joyce's invitation and went out to the school on a dreary Wednesday morning.
I used to teach private lesson and classes for private schools and home school groups.
I have never been able to teach in a school as a "teacher" because I don't have a College degree.
But I have been able to share some of my love of the creative arts through more "unconventional" approaches.
And I love to teach.
I love working with kids and helping them gain a love of the arts.
But more than that - I love seeing them develop and navigate through the rough world of adolescence by learning coping skills with their creative processes.
As I stood in front of the children at this assemble, it all came back to me.
I was asked to speak for 45 minutes.
I started to talk and got excited.
We talked about words and how they can affect us.
I talked about finding a passion for something you love.
I talked about dedication and perserverance.

It was so wonderful.
But the point of this post -
to commend Joyce - and all the other people out there who see the importance of the arts programs in their school. For those people who are working tirelessly, often by footing the expense out of their own pocket, to keep the arts alive.
I look forward to the day that we put the arts on the same pedestal as sports.
I am sure I am not alone when I say . . .
Thank You Joyce. The world needs more people like YOU.